YES, IT IS A SCAM
[you're so hip you can skip to the updates]
The letters posted here illustrate (hilariously unsuccessful) attempts at ADVANCE FEE FRAUD. The sender claims to be a bureaucrat, banker or royal toadie, who wants to cut you, and only you, in on the financial deal of a lifetime.
In plain English, the writer claims to be in a position to skim public accounts or in other ways move vast amounts of cash into your hands. Hint: There is no money to be moved - except yours. Palms must be greased, with your money. A few K here, a few K there... eventually you get wise, and retire to lick your wounds.
Other versions of the scam play on your sense of charity, your loneliness, or your naiveté (you can't win a lottery you didn't enter!). Orphan, cancer patient, dead bank customer, phony job offer, overpayment with a cashier's check, different names or countries... same scam. You may be shown pictures of "money". Same scam.
Setting aside the scammers' willingness to take your last penny, the letters are funny. Read them out loud at parties and see. The 125 letters below introduce the literary genre of the Lads from Lagos.
Why "Lagos" ? Most such e-mails come from West Africa, chiefly Nigeria, or Nigerian expatriates (who are happy to scam other Nigerians). There are of course scam artists elsewhere. But these guys are special. Some people write them back just to waste their time. This is the art of scambaiting. Welcome to the Scamology.
Most readers say "what an obvious scam!".
Some say "I was almost fooled till I saw this site."
A handful say "couldn't mine be 'real'?"
Stay safe out there!
UPDATES TO SCAMBAITS
Reverse chronological order. Updates roll upward. Some roll off.
See Ongoing Digests on the right -->
[the Dead Bank Customer Memorial Page, etc.] -->
<GREEN: especially fine anti-scams>
<RED: scam victims>
JULY 2009
FAWLTY WITT - Basil Fawlty hears from the Lads
JUNE 2009
IN BENGT WE TRUST - the Lads vs. St. Bengt of the Church of the Third Relevation
MAY 2009
SHE TOOK ME IN - Stevieperv Rammer chats with a poor student
WILL YOU EVERY FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE BE SERIOUS - Eliza Dane versus a rack of fake identities
OUR DOUBTS ARE TRAITORS - "John Githongo" signs a pre-nuptual agreement - concluded (a Lewd Noogie adventure)
APRIL 2009
JOIN ME ON FACEBOOK - learn how rental scams work, courtesy of Hanna Selvbedrag
THE MADOFF LETTER - it was inevitable.
ARE YOU WITH ME OR NOT? - Bradley Morrihan has vowel problems but don't try scamming him! [from Team Eliza!]
MARCH 2009
STUPID SCAMMER TRICKS - or, 10 reasons why you shouldn't send money to scammers pretending to be Dave Letterman
CIRCUMSPECTION - scammers vs. Rabbi Ben Zona of Congregation Rodef Bubbameissah - a year-long tale concludes! - updated march 24
P.P.P.P.S. IT'S A SCAM - Witold Padarewski staves off the Lads
CIAO BELLA, or VESTI LA MUGU - Cy Gezunt learns he is the heir of Luciano Pavarotti - updated march 13
MAGNUM FARCE - Lads based in Malaysia try to scam Willard Fong (a Naz adventure)
SOMETHING SMELLS IN SWABIA - Wehrmacht veteran Harold Stassen undermines Lad morale - updated march 4
FEBRUARY 2009
YOUR GAME IS FAKE! - Lady Matilda Gottrocks finds love and Jeeves foils a scammer
SLAPMUGUENCIA BANZAIA NERVOSA - it's going around! A Robin Banks adventure
YOU ARE A CHURCH RAT - Malcolm Reynolds doesn't like being jerked around, ok?
JANUARY 2009
FAMILY PLOT - Mrs. Arafat (not!) reaches out to a rabbi
[sorry for sloth... pause for American-centric moment: counting down days to the inauguration... enjoying life...]
APOSTROPHE NOW - Scammers target Esther Summerson. Their prospects are bleak.
DECEMBER 2008
FRESH - the Lads mix it up with Beatrice Crocker, queen of the kitchen
TO EACH HIS DULCINEA - Lad sends death threat, butchers French and Spanish - a Conoro Oprolite adventure
A HALF-BAKED PROPOSAL - Tushie Meshuganah's long-lost Malaysian cousin leaves her a fortune
NO GOOD END - Dr. Runny Schitz (staff proctologist for the Church of the Sultans of Swing) takes on a scammer
NOVEMBER 2008
DAKAR CONFIDENTIAL - A geezer hears from a beautiful lady in trouble (a Naz adventure)
A FRIEND IN LEED IS A FRIEND IN NEED, or, CRAZY BUTT IS BACK! - Tushie Meshuganah of The Holy Bagel Community hears from a mysterious investor
OCTOBER 2008
PLEASE LEAVE THE CHIPMUNKS ALONE - Joe Smith gets a death threat from the Lads
GOT ROCKS? - Jeeves saves Lady Matilda Gottrocks from a scammer
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON - Brother Mark Knopfler hears from a cancer victim - updated oct 8
SEPTEMBER 2008
THE WALL STREET BAIL-OUT VERSION
I AND I, or WHO NA MUGU BI? - Rabbi Ben Zona faces a bogus version of himself!
HELP US HELP YOU - RayNaz (as Mark E. De Sade) wants his money back - the EFCC (not!) is here to help
HI HO, IT'S THE LOAN ARRANGER! - When a "church" offers a loan... who else would take up the offer but staunch Odin-worshipper Eliza Dane?
BE A GOOD GIRL ALWAYS - 'contract killer' tries to frighten a child (who is really Conor O'Prolite)
IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE SEND THE MONEY - "Lewd" Noogie starts a defense fund for a church
DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY! - personal trainer Jack Bigstakk applies for a loan from the Lads - updated september 1
AUGUST 2008
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK - Brother Mark Knopfler (of the Church of the Sultans of Swing) hears from a banker
YES GRASSHÜPFER - Harold Stassen versus the Director Lads - fake newspaper! German slang! Yiddish slang! dying cancer victim! Step right up!
VOO DOO, or THAT'S MADE MY DAY, THAT HAS - Agent Fadgina obtains Oaths of Honor and Integrity from the Lads
THE LOAN RANGER - Naz is back to apply for a loan from the Lads
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSULT - Mal Reynolds has a mystery benefactor
JULY 2008
I MIGHT JUST SPEAR YOUR LIFE - while vacationing on Smegaroon, C. O'Prolite receives a threat from a Hired Killer
WINKY WANKY WOO - the Lads try to fleece a retired RAF Squadron Leader [rated C for crude and F for funny]
BLEAK LAD - the Lads try to fleece Tom Jarndyce - updated july 17
COME ON FEEL THE ILLINOISE! - Lads offer imaginary puppy for sale - a Naz adventure
JUNE 2008
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE NUKES, or, BRAIN DRAIN - Goth gal Eliza Dane and brother Ross of the Australian SASR hear from a "U.S. Marine" in Karbala
KÄRÄOKE FÜR FÜHRER UND VOLK - a new Harold Stassen adventure!
I'M BESIDE MYSELF - Lady Matilda Gottrocks and her alter egos sow discord among scammers
DUNG GET ME WRONG - Railwayman fleeing killers hears from a banker in Togo
IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN - Accordionist Larry Welk leaves a bundle to a scammer
MAY 2008
LIGHTS, KAMARA, ACTION! - Dill Dowe tempted by gold and young flesh (a Naz creation)
A PARLEMENT OF LADDES - scammers try to seduce Geoffrey Chaucer with wealth
WE CAN SHARE THE JOY - Eliza Dane uses the F word a lot.
THE WIDOW SCAMBAIT - a Bo Kaow adventure - updated may 12
APRIL 2008
REMAIN BLESSED AND SWINGING - Brother Mark Knopfler is touched by the appeal of yet another cancer patient - updated april 30
BIG DADDY'S LAST UNCLAIMED DEPOSIT - Mal Reynolds serenely takes on the Central Bank of Nigeria (not)
DON'T FALSE ME TO DO STUPID THING TO YOU - Lewd Noogie, a contract killer, phony FBI agents. Final(?) flip-off april 23
ODIRI ME, or GOING TO THE DOGS - Naz's teenage persona is offered an imaginary fortune - the flip-off april 21
I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS - Lady Agatha makes short work of a bogus Chinese banker
SPANDAU BALLET - Harold Stassen as an ex-Wehrmacht officer versus the Lads
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON 419 - Naz hits the jackpot!
MARCH 2008
SAINTS AND ANGELS - can't a spymaster drink a custard liqueur in peace? Lady Agatha Bristol is Not Amused. updated march 25
IF THE FALAFEL LOOK LIKE GOLD - the Lads get a Hebrew lesson, habibi
PEARLS BEFORE SWINE - Raynaz as Pearl E. Whytes gets a mean phone call from a scammer it ain't over till it's over - and it's over march 12 2008
BORN TO RULE - Mal Reynolds (USMC, Ret.) returns to give the Lads lessons in leadership
FEBRUARY 2008
EAT MY SHIRTS - the Lads order t-shirts from Raynaz. updated feb 24
LET US FURGE ON - Mikhail Stroganov vs. a South African World Cup Bid official (not)
THE UNICORN FARMER - scammers selling unicorns - for you, special price!
INFORMED CONSENT - will Miss Monica Koromah enter Dr. Sweeney Todd's Renal Harvest program?
JANUARY 2008
A MINT ON THE PILLOW - Sir Marmite Luny-Binns receives a hotel reservation request from a dubious individual
PICTURE THIS - oily proposition from a "Japanese" Lad (Bulgaria 1, Nigeria 0 at halftime)
WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE - Aggie Nostick hears from a scammer in contact with the Almighty
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNESTO - Goth chick Eliza Dane in a drama in two acts
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES - International financier Lonslo Tossov knows that all that glitters is not gold
PUSH IT GOOD - Porn star Stevieperv Rammer recruits a Lad - updated jan 11
A PRINCESS IS A DELICATE THING - an orphaned princess meets Lady Fapina Tyuksar
A BRIDGET TOO FAR - Randy Rimmer vs. a hippo-molester
DECEMBER 2007
[OK, this month has been slack - even Scamorama needs a break - see you in '08! Stay scamalicious!]
MOONSHINE OVER METHLAND - can an imaginary girl find happiness in Kentucky? (an Arnold Wanker adventure)
NOVEMBER 2007
YOUR UTTERANCE IS REPREHENSIBLE - Dr. Sweeney Todd returns
SIR GEORGE AND THE ORPHAN - Capt. Manwairing helps an unwanted female child updated nov 9 2007
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN VOICE - Goth chick Eliza Dane brings in reinforcement - brother Ross of the Australian Special Air Services
OCTOBER 2007
HAPPY TRAILS - the Lads puppy up for the Adams family
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE TIME WASTING - Malcolm Reynolds serenely upholds the honor of the Corps once again
YORKIE JERKY - Scammer seeks good home for imaginary puppy. Meat factory? No problem. A Gene Rayburn adventure.
SEPTEMBER 2007
ORPHANS R US (a Marmite adventure) - How many times will a scammer ring Room 419? - the flip-off! sept 24 2007
U STILL LOVE ME? - Princess Candy vs Prince Emmanuel - five-year beat - finally busted? sept 20 2007
DEMON SCAMBAITER OF FLEET STREET - the Lads meet Sweeney Todd
B.USMAN'S HOLIDAY - a Foreign Office-Raynaz-Dad's Army joint production (updated sept 7)
A REAL CHARLIE - nope - 'Prince Charles' not giving up. A recording contract with Brother Mark Knopfler is in the offing! 15 months (sept 5)
AUGUST 2007
SCAM TREK - the Lads meet Captain Picard on the holodeck august 29 2007
A VISIT TO CORONATION STREET - the Lads meet Terry Duckworth
GOING TO THE DOGS - a Lad's plea to adopt his puppy august 23
BUMPED OFF - the Lads meet a phrenologist
BABY YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR - Marco sends the Lads on four trips to Western Union! with a memorable pic
JULY 2007
YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN OUR SERVICE - Arnold Wanker wins the lottery - trouble ensues - with fast cars, fast living and inflatable sheep july 30
A FINE FINNISH? - The Lads pretend to be Chinese, Russian, Congolese, Zulu, French and now Finnish. But can they *answer* in Finnish?
THE AGONY OF DEFEAT - Lewd Noogie is back, in a triumph of alter egos. Read carefully and pay homage.
UNITED WE LAUGH - from the files of an international cabal of comedians - starring The Foreign Office, Raynaz & Co., Brother Mark Knopfler, Captain George Mainwaring, Phil Munglers, and Lewd Noogie
THE TWO FACES OF ERNEST HAMBURG - Malcolm Reynolds's weenie roast
THE END IS KIND OF NIGH - will a royal orphan follow Okershee Holdergrass into his own personal hell?
THE MUGU AND THE MODEL - 'Frank Bobby' meets Eliza Dane, Goth model with a short fuse
JUNE 2007
COMES TO YOU THIS DAY A SCAMMER - The Lads meet gunslinger Roland Deschain june 30
THERE AIN'T NO JUSTICE - Malcolm Reynolds is back to face Justice
THE MARK OF ZAHRA - Lewd Noogie's dream of a home for Playboy centerfolds unfolds june 25
ANOTHER JOB - made man Ray Nazmeani hears from a Lad june 24
FOR WANT OF A DORK - Tushie Meshuganah and a 'Somali refugee' - busted ;-) june 20
FOOLS RUSSIAN - Lads meet Bernadette Devlin - sometimes you get the bear addendum june 16
THE LADS DO HAMPSTEAD HEATH - Stevieperv Rammer, porn star june 9
MAY 2007
RISKY FREE - the Lads break it down for Todd Brown
CHECK IT OUT - the Lads send a fake check to Bobby Mueller
SILENCE OF THE LADS - Serge de Nîmes vs. "Jean Pierre Jospin" [fr/en] may 23
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN KEYBOARD - the Lads meet Francisco Scaramanga may 12
NO BULL - don't mess with the Music Teacher
APRIL 2007
THE PRICE OF JUSTICE - Mal Reynolds hears from a 'human rights' activist
YABBA DABBA DOO! - a page right out of historee april 20
LEWD NOOGIE vs. THE OVER THE HILL GANG
- sheikh of the burning sands -